Gifted with deeper faith or left with empty hands

"I waver between two things -

my experience of God's sovereignty

and my need to take hold of it afresh." 
Mark Buchanan

Splashing in an Africa stream, with cows grazing on the opposite bank and scantily clad village children running by.  Lunch served under a thatched roof, the cooked chicken that was clucking just an hour before, smacking away while sitting in bamboo chairs.

Family prayers that come out, "God, I am so angry with you!"  Disappointment and homesickness falling as hot tears on the tile floor while it feels our family is being smashed to pieces on jagged rocks.

Welcome to a glimpse into our week.  Our days span from, "How can this possibly be our life?!" to "I cannot do this, I want to go home."  Sometimes, like when Philip had conversations with local friends about the local customs of polygamy and human sacrifice, we feel both awed and overwhelmed at the same time.  Other times, like when our children express how difficult this is for them or when we grasp the magnitude of need in this country, it feels everything we hold dear is on the line.  There are moments when we don't know if we will be gifted with deeper faith or left with empty hands.

I leave you with pictures from our trip to the outskirts of town, where Paul showed us a favorite place to "rest."  The caption is Psalm 63 because beholding his power and his glory is what led us to this dry and weary land. 

"Oh God, you are my God;

earnestly I seek you.

My soul thirst for you,

my body longs for you.

In a dry and weary land,

where there is no water

Oh God, you are my God.

I've seen you in the sanctuary,

beheld your power and your glory."